Unit II: Edit—What is Intentional Action?

Each day is full of choices—health, career, family. Actions taken today influence our reality tomorrow. While I understand this concept, I think in the past I thought I had plenty of time to “convert,” the actions for work demands, family needs, and daily house chores into actions focused more on my personal passions and dreams. There was a big gorge between the career of an attorney and the life of a world traveler, healer, or artist. I wasn’t sure how to move from the responsibilities I dealt with every day to a place where I felt more emotionally fulfilled.

After my accident I experienced chronic pain due to stress fractures in my cervical spine and severely damaged ligaments in my neck. I also had a brain injury that was very hard to navigate. I was often disoriented, confused, emotionally dysregulated, and in pain. While I was dealing with my injuries, my mom’s breast cancer returned. I watched her fight mounting illness and pain until her death. It was by far the most emotionally and physically painful time in my life.

Shortly after her funeral I turned fifty. Fifty was heavier than other birthdays. Weighted.‍ ‍I began to see time as a gift both expansive and finite. The large expanse of “future,” started to feel less so. I internalized the fragility of life. My physical and mental limits demanded that I abandon my previous habit of doing too much, or doing it all myself.

There was beauty of community and the surge of love that arrived during our most vulnerable moments. Even in those times of great pain and loss, there were moments of deep penetrating joy and moments of healing light. These experiences have forever shaped the way that I see time. The urge to feel more energy, so I can do more still exists.

I think now, the difference is that I have learned to prioritize and honor the dreams that I was putting on a shelf for “someday.” Someday is here. It is now. Now is all we have. It seems mundane, but it is the material that builds the future. It is so powerful that it can rob us of people we love. It is powerful enough to heal. And it is powerful enough to build a bridge to a whole new life.